MEANING?-- the most foolish post ever by me!!!!

I have to admit that i was never that much clueless and nescient about the life as i am right now.we say we make the choices but the concept of destiny (if any) provides an antithesis for this.the more i go through it (most of the times against my will) more i feel confused and reluctant about the definition or argument of our existence.

Technically earth is a planet. it is our home. some celestial affairs have put the earth at an optimum distance from sun to make it conducive for life to evolve.apart than this we don't really find much information about our inception.we are not sure about any traces of life elsewhere in the universe. I think this whole conundrum somehow points that life is meaningless. i should refrain myself here from being a supporter of nihilism but i haven't found things in order. i seek an explanation which i am not getting and things looks just too complicated to be sorted out.

forgive me if above lines were too abstract but if you are interested in decoding life you will face same equations and constants ( a metaphor for qualitative analysis). i owe this paranormal analysis to my aberrant life which certainly has put me in a state of contemplation.

One school of thought is that forget everything and just enjoy your life. i think that this is one of the most pragmatic solution to this complexity because it assumes idealism which in turn eradicates all the troublesome parts. this doctrine works on serious assumptions of aloofness which might help some people but it can not go along for a long time ( I know it as i have tried it)

what we need in life? a number of things can be listed here but lets take one thing mental satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment. our actions good or bad are directed towards this thing.I have seen people with this thing with them performing very well in the life. life doesn't suck for them as they always be the masters of it.There is always an attempt to understand such people by the others who are on the other side of line and they come out with several explanations based on both deeds and destiny. it is your choice to pick one now and act on yourself accordingly.

My roommate these days, a guy from utkal..he has a girlfriend and used to talk with her for 2-3 hours daily in the night ( i have shifted my bed to other room because of his talking all the night so that i may sleep)..he is in grave tension these days because his parents are not approving his gf to be their daughter-in-law because of caste issues...probably he is going to marry that girl within next 2-3 months ( a court marriage as he told me)..and this will result his relations with his family to get doomed...his family has threatened him that they will break all relations with him on this but he is ready for that...sometimes he asks me what i will do if i would be in his situation..and every time i find an excuse not to answer that question because i know this is a situation in which i can never be at any point of my life..he doesn't vouch for me on that...
He tells me that parag you have a better life than me because you have nothing to worry about. I reply that i do little bit because obviously i don't want to be an exception here (who doesn't like when a girl is spitting out all her guts in front of you)...but the point here is we two distinct individuals regard each other's life better than himself and irony is embedded in the thing which one have and other don't have...this certainly endorses that having a girlfriend and be happy (not talking about strictly carnal relationships) is not an absolute thing but is dependent on the other factors too ( personally for me having a gf is enough)...so from this instance we can say that same things may mean different to different people and perhaps this is the way of nature to compensate the opposites of all kinds.
Sometimes i try to see the order in the things but occasionally i bump into exceptions.order is meant to realize a particular goal, for example we have a social order among us which serves as a model to put a less complicated and hence a perspicuous understanding of things and events. it intends to offer an explanation to the events occurring around us. but is ORDER FAIR???..if somebody here is a movie freak like me then he will here effortlessly put the example of JOKER from the movie THE DARK KNIGHT..Joker in that movie once quoted " chaos is fair" and ironically i guess he is correct..the tossing of a coin or rolling of a dice is chaotic by nature as we don't know the result of outcome but if we perform these throws infinite times then eventually the number of different outcomes will remain same..so here chaos ensures the fairness..qualitatively if you take any system prevalent in human beings you will find out that it is always unfair ( a system is expected to create an order) . for example take the caste system..it is unfair as we all know but we should also know that it was created to ensure order in the society!! so by extrapolating this concept we may infer that the very nature of this whole political world is also unfair..there are developed countries and developing countries. it is an order created by us to ensure peace and stability in world but this very order is the genesis of our inevitable destruction. in past this order has created the wars because a big fish always want to eat up the small ones. Inception of democracy and end of too obvious imperialism in world created a new form of order in which same things were done in a sophisticated way.

Well It may be a little harsh now to keep doing this discussion. the very nature of things is mysterious, order surely is not going to help all of us as it will give preference to few and hence it is discriminatory. also we can't leave our lives on mere chance as the tossing of a coin.the human beings when come into existence,at that time they were without any inherited knowledge..the system at that time was nearly a chaos because all were same thriving for their survivals.this whole chaos helped us to come up with civilizations and co-operations and hence by this way we were able to induce some order in the system we were a part of.It seems to me that chaos and order both are a part of a vicious cycle. it is a kind of line we are operating near by. a line which has order on one side and chaos on another and the moment we go away past of some critical distance on either side then the corresponding force pulls us back to that. it restores our position to the boundary again.
A lot to mum about to create a compendium....:)
.......

the MALE prostitute

"prostitution is a lady business typically but men are better at it naturally"

giving so much damn about our bodies. lets turn attention towards the soul. we all are rapist and at the same time we are being raped too. now a lady who does prostitution can not tell you that but believe me you are more fucked than she is. she is beautiful and she knows it. she knows that people will pay her well for that and she takes that too but it is you who prostrate everyday, everytime and at every place.

man has a sad story and saddest part is that nobody believe that he has the one, not even he. he is a natural hooker right form the beginning. girls take this profession by choice but he takes it naturally. first he does it for his parents and after that for a girl and money and for his kids and then for his name.

to feel sorry about men is something which is terribly missing. women are always too much concerned about their tangible assets and sometimes they even blame men for the long time of indulgence and carnality but it is the women who is more obsessed with the shape of the things.

physically it is not possible for a women to rape a man ( exceptions can be there) but mentally male is being raped several times by a woman in his life. This molestation can come in the form of natural rejection or infidelity or crushing male's feelings in the rotor of pragmatism that most of times serves as an excuse for the darkest con of a women. men ironically sometimes confuse prostitution with chivalry as he pulls chair for the girl to allow her to sit down or when he takes her bills.

recently one of my friends (male) who works for an IT firm gets a high priority assignment. he is a member of a four person team having two girls in it. as you may surmise he is working for the project for 12 hours a day. leaving home at 9 and coming at 11 in the night..but things get worse when two females of his team refuse to work beyond nine hours a day and their reasons consist of cliches as "i am a girl". guess who is prostitute here, definitely the boys!!..and worse nobody is paying them for this.

males are really pathetic , most of them are just the slaves of their carnal desires. get visual of a couple wandering in bangalore central mall and you will find that lady flirting with you but of course you are a considerate male and you think about the poor guy with that girl so you don't pay attention. disgusting it is when you replace that fellow by yourself. girls with options , you don't matter for them, in short you are being fucked.

the dowry - a dent in men's character. male is cruel, male is ruthless , male is a fucking asshole because he demands dowry. well i am against it too but i didn't get the logic put forth by the women. they say that men is bidding himself against his money , knowledge and power, well ladies you are also bidding yourself against your curves. bidding is a human instinct which can not be discriminated on the basis of sex as the parents of a girl look for the highest bidder for their daughter when they sail out to marry her. why don't they just pick up some poor and average guy for their girl. why it should be always somebody who is earning a lot.
and after all this it has been established that only men is responsible for the dowry system. again male is fucked up in the life.

male is a prostitute of nature. woman gives her body while man gives his soul. his tale starts when he study to get a degree that can ensure him a job and hence a girl. in this whole play he forgets who is he and what he wants to do. he prepares for exams , he gives interviews and tells the interviewer everytime how much interested he is in his firm. he works on deadlines, nobody offers him a seat in the bus even when he seems enervated. even the shopkeeper listens to the woman first and attends him later no matter for how long he is standing there. his love is always being measured against his desires as nobody seems to surmise that he has a heart too. his hesitation is often regarded as disrespect and in the end when his kids learn to fly by themselves he tries to keep up with them but he can't because kids by that time are too agile.

Nobody seems to think about man and his story.
he has been forgotten.
he has been destroyed.

and yet he is surviving because he is so good in trading.

i think this gives girls a reason to cheer about...

2 states::::contd......

a fine saturday morning..i still at bed..it is 10 AM. Finally some sense of atonement wakes me up..i pushed empty beer bottles and cans off my bad..the smell of dry beer cans is worse than the fresh chilled beer, trying to get myself up and meanwhile toppling the bottle into my mouth to look for some remaining drops of it if any.

this absence of abstinence smothering me since last six-seven months. these are the normal saturdays i used to have till now.nothing can teach you about the world and paradigms but you. solitude as it seems is a great teacher which edifies even the putrefying souls like me..debauchery as you can call it seems a perfect aberration for a normal life. An unwelcome aberration that will lead you to the darkest corner of the human life..

i must admit i was not like this and i also know i will not remain like this but this period of months told me a great deal about human life..human life is not as complex as we think..on the contrary it is very simple..life itself will force you to take some knowledge and accept it in a dogmatic fashion at some point of time but later it will by itself come back and take away that thing replacing it with the actual truth and wisdom. this whole process is painful as change we say always is.

I lost many notions about the simple nature of right and wrong, success and failure & happiness and sorrow. i felt that success and failure both are highly overrated and that is because of our predilection for money,fame and power. success and failure are just two sides of one coin. they come together and exists together. in fact, these two things are not absolute and hence can't stay oblivion to each other. at the times, i tried to find out the reasons behind the happiness of the people and it occurred to me that people just opt for it when there was an equal chance for another option also.it happened to me that most of our sorrows are self induced, they come to us because we are weak from inside. happiness and sorrow are also the two sides of same coin i surmise. ..

As a student i never chased the excellence with few exceptions of course.i was worried about the marks,grades and money all the time.excellence is the easiest thing to chase let me tell you but it is so banal that nobody ever likes it. but when you are devoid of all material accomplishments in your life , you have to chase the excellence to calm yourself and enrich yourself in order to get ready for the big combats. excellence is the key to success and success is the key to happiness.

many people and many of you have been aware of all this since beginning but for me it is a new thing. it is a moral and a lesson for me that will have an impact on my life from now onwards.some incidents change you for the rest of your life. in my case it was a journey stained with alcohol and depression.

(NEXT POST ::: 3 IDIOTS FOR forever)

THE WISdom words- MUST READ FOR ALL

Why do you worry without cause?
Whom do you fear without reason?
Who can kill you?
The soul is neither born, nor does it die.
Whatever happened,
happened for the good;
whatever is happening,
is happening for the good;
whatever will happen,
will also happen for the good only.

You need not have any regrets for the past.
You need not worry for the future.
The present is happening...
What did you lose that you cry about?
What did you bring with you,
which you think you have lost?

What did you produce,
which you think got destroyed?
You did not bring anything,
whatever you have, you received from here.
Whatever you have given, you have given only here.
Whatever you took, you took from God.
Whatever you gave, you gave to Him.
You came empty handed,
you will leave empty handed.

What is yours today,
belonged to someone else yesterday, and
will belong to someone else the
day after tomorrow.
You are mistakenly enjoying the thought
that this is yours.
It is this false happiness that is
the cause of your sorrows.

Change is the law of the universe.
What you think of as death,
is indeed life.
In one instance you can be
a millionaire, and
in the other instance you can
be steeped
in poverty.

Yours and mine, big & small
erase these ideas from your mind.
Then everything is yours and
you belong to everyone.
This body is not yours,
neither are you of the body.
The body is made of fire, water, air, earth and
ether, and will disappear into these elements.
But the soul is permanent - so who are you?

Dedicate your being to God.
He is the one to be ultimately relied upon.
Those who know of his support are forever
free from fear, worry and sorrow.
Whatever you do,
do it as a dedication to God.
This will bring you the
tremendous experience of
joy and life-freedom forever.

(Taken From GITA)

2 states of my life: by parag in his own words

it is 1:30 AM Monday morning right now and still sleep seems elusive, sitting on my bed dealing with this deafening silence i summon the courage to write something about me which is neither articulated nor factitious.
it is a famous maxim that life keeps on changing every moment, people are aware of it but this prescience does not help when it comes on you to bear the changes offered by life and something like this happened with me also.

State:2 of my life ::::::::::

Location : Pune from 23rd july 2008 to 21st Oct 2008

btw 23rd july was my joining date in IBM

joining IBM was not a great decision , in fact it manifests my trepidation and timidness. i opted for it because i gave up. after getting rejected through out the first phase of IIT campus placement which includes some big shots and respectable recruiters i was unable to hold my confidence. this leads to a desperation to get a job ASAP and since we all know that impatience is a virtue of loser and hence it was. there was one other guy with me who also joined the IBM but all our plans were converted into apprehensions very soon as we were assigned to MAINFRAMES, Actually it was not the worst part. worst thing happened after sometime.

Pune was a good experience. MAINFRAME batch was good and i honestly found the training almost bearable. at that time i was interested in that technology. after completion of training we all cleared the elimination test easily and consequently absorbed by IBM for 1 year probation period. IN PUNE some guys like uddy,sanjeev and dilip were great and hats off to chacha jaan. chacha jaan was also the member of our IIT fraternity but far more wise than me and satya ( the other IIT guy who joined the IBM with me). he left IBM in 2008 itself and opted for a core company. today he is the king of our hearts.

Location : Bangalore FROM 22nd Oct 2008

it was the time for the drama to get started. we were allocated to different projects in IBM through out the country. me and satya got bangalore. frankly we were happy for that because we were planning to switch our jobs and bangalore was corporate hub. we readily accepted the decree to go to bangalore and joined IBM bangalore.

well we started and the first surprise IBM gave us was to allocate us in a project where we don't need to know anything which was given us during training. this was the last nail in the coffin for satya. it was really frustrated and dangerous for our professional trajectories. from the day we started working on that esoteric technology , satya also started to find out the way to get out from the BIG BLUE ( IBM).

satya left IBM in may last year but it was not the proper quit. he left the IBM without a job and hence left a lesson for all of us too. the moral was simple-" there is no use to do a job for some bucks if you are not passionate about it". well passion sometimes takes the backseat in the case of less mortals like me.

meanwhile i was also fighting for love. my love story is different as i am the only person to call it a love story. generally i don't have that flowers kind of guy image and it will be hard for you to believe on my love story but you will believe in the end anyways. the best part of my love story is that there is only one girl and i haven't met her. it will sound funny to you but whenever i told her about my feelings she came up with a real intelligent answer.

"everytime i was told that you are not in love parag , you just think that it is love because you don't know any girl but me" :(
it is ironic and also an oxymoron because you generally think that the person whom you love is the best person in the whole world and that is the very reason you love that person. I think that love is not a quest to a find a perfect person but it is an intelligence and a wisdom to go along smoothly with imperfections. anyways it was bound to happen but i guess she is right. she is the only girl known to me so may be i was missing something by opting her. she was too kind to me. she perhaps think that i deserve a better one. well even if do, how i will feel for her in the same way i felt for you.

but there is a positive point with me. i think all the girls are very adorable (except who hang out with guys smarter than me or who are very shrew and arrogant). So i guess i will find another one easily ( really not so easy i tell you ). in nutshell , my love story was like an aeroplane without a pilot which crashed right into a mountain. it is over and there are no glitches anymore.

"anyways hats off to that girl"

Well guys i am still in bangalore doing the worst work of my life....i will tell you the about the remaining state of my life in the next post...........

meanwhile have a good time.......

( TO BE CONTD..........)